Many people are intimidated by negotiating, but negotiation is a fact of life.

You must negotiate to be successful.  Virtually everything is negotiable.  If you’re timid about negotiating, you are shortchanging yourself.

Negotiating should not be a contest of wills where the powerful win and the little guy doesn’t have a chance.  This may gain short term results, but it is a win-lose process.  It does not have to be that way.

An effective negotiation is one that results in both sides having their needs met and preserving the relationship at the same time.

In its fullest sense, negotiating develops long term relationships and mutual respect for both sides, not hard-sell tactics.

How we negotiate demonstrates our respect for the other party and our commitment  to maintaining that relationship.

Good negotiators understand how to identify what the other party needs, how to meet those needs, and how to get what they want at the same time.

Often we get bad advice about hard-nosed negotiating tactics, when in reality, the most successful negotiators demonstrate style and grace under pressure, which is something people on the other side of table remember and appreciate.

In business we’re involved in one negotiation after the other.  It may be raising money, leasing space or equipment, hiring, buying something, or selling something.  Recognize the process for what it is, or you’ll miss opportunities to get better deals.

Use these principles to create win/win outcomes for your next deal:

• Be Prepared – Every negotiation requires planning, preparation, and practice.  Do the necessary research.  Think out possible and probable outcomes.  Rehearse what you will say.  Set goals.  Have an agenda and stick closely to it.  Be rested; long negotiations—or short stressful ones—can be tiring.  Fatigue robs you of clear thinking.

• Know your bottom line – Determine what you want before you get to the table and be prepared to articulate your goals clearly.

• Know what you wish for, but you can do without.

• Know what you want, and you must have.

• Know your bottom line; this is what you will walk away from – If you know what you wish for, what you want, and what you’ll walk away from, you will always negotiate from a position of strength. Set your goals high enough.  No offer is too high provided you can present valid justifications that meet the underlying needs of all parties.  You can’t expect to make a deal without making concessions, so start high.  The more you start with, the more you’ll end up with in the end.

• Know Your Audience – Assess the person you’re negotiating with.  Adopt the appropriate communication style.  It can be critical to achieving your desired outcome.  Be sure you’re negotiating with the person who has the power to make the final decision.  

• Listen and Acknowledge – The role of a good negotiator is to listen and understand what others are saying.  Listening gathers information vital to your understanding what the other person needs.  You can’t meet someone’s needs if you don’t understand them.

• Avoid Emotions – Negotiations is a game, but it is a process that can deeply involve our egos and emotions.  If you become emotionally attached to an outcome, it will be harder for you to achieve it.  Some negotiators try intentionally make your angry, because then you can’t think straight.  Stay calm.  Not become offended.  Separate the people from the issues.  Knowing your bottom line and remaining calm allows you to stay focused on what you want.  Let others blow off steam, but keep yours in check.

• Be Prepared To Walk Away – Always be able detach yourself from the situation and walk away.  Control always remains with the person who needs the deal the least.  When you care the least, you have the most power.

• Negotiate In Good Faith – Remind yourself at the beginning and throughout that you want this agreement to work satisfactorily for everyone involved.  You will get what you want if you help the other party get what they want.  Let them air their feelings, make comments, present objections, and feel comfortable telling you what’s on their mind.  Only then will all parties come to the table and leave the table with good faith.

•  Be Patient – Cultivate the use of a calculated hesitation.  The best answer to any offer is “it depends.”  Don’t commit to early.  The other party has three choices: accept your offer, reject your offer, or make a counteroffer.  You have the same choices.  Don’t make concessions before they answer.  Don’t be afraid of the silence.  Sometimes its good to walk away, and let the think about it.  But never walk away angry.

Like anything you do, negotiating gets easier the more you do it.  With practice you’ll develop you own style.  

Negotiating can be fun, empowering, and enjoyable, but it works only if everyone feels as if they won.

______________

What are your thoughts?  Do you agree or disagree?  Leave your comments in the box below. 

Click here  NOW to sign up for my free newsletter!

The number one fear people have is speaking before a group of people.

Surveys tell us the fear of speaking is greater than the fear of dying.  To me, that makes speaking pretty important.

The ability to speak effectively is important to your personal, social, and professional growth and development, and to your self-confidence.

Do you feel totally at-ease speaking to a group of people?

Do you get a little nervous just thinking about having to speak to a group of people?

Now, be honest with yourself.  Do you simply panic at the thought of having to speak to a group of people?

I’m going to tell you a true story about a friend of mine.  I’ve known him more than 30 years, and the first time I ever saw him he said something interesting to me.  I was a Bible teacher at the time.  My class was comprised of young married couples, mostly newlyweds.

Bob (not his real name) and his wife were invited to the class by their friends who were members.    When Bob and his wife were introduced to me, he asked if he could speak with me out in the hallway.

He said, “I want to ask you for a personal favor.  Please never call on me to say anything or answer any questions in class.”

He explained to me that he was scared to death to say anything in front of a group of people.   “If you do,” he said, “I’ll leave this class, and I’m never going to return.”

I promised him I wouldn’t ever call on him in class, and I honored his request.

But an interesting thing happened to Bob over the years.  He began to speak up in class voluntarily.  He later volunteered to coach our men’s basketball team.

Nobody has to speak to groups more than a coach.  And coaches need to be effective speakers too, if they want to win ballgames.

He also chaired several committees in the church from time to time.   He became an assertive and effective leader in our church.

I’ve analyzed Bob’s situation many times through the years, and I think he needed four things:

1. He needed more knowledge of the subject, in that case the Bible.
2. He needed to feel comfortable with the group; he learned the group didn’t know any more about the Bible than he did.
3. He needed to know that nobody judged him harshly for speaking up, and that they accepted him and loved him anyway.
4. He needed lots of practice.

Every audience you will ever speak to is the same way.  They aren’t going to be mean to you; they’re just grateful it’s you up there speaking and not them.  They admire you.

The ability to speak effectively is important.

There is no getting-around-it, the ability to speak effectively, whether to one person or to thousands of people, is a major factor in determining our personal, social, and professional development.  It certainly improved Bob’s self-confidence, and developed him into an effective and productive leader.

The ability to speak effectively is one of the most important skills a person can develop, if not THE most important. Speaking effectively is essential for leadership in any phase of life.

There are two major obstacles to effective speaking:

1. Fear of speaking
2. Poor speaking skills

The keys to overcoming these two obstacles are:

• Knowledge
• Skill
• Practice

If you will learn to speak well, people will always think of you as a leader.

The thought of speaking to a group terrifies some people, or at best makes them uncomfortable. They are afraid of embarrassing themselves.  They’re afraid of boring their audience.  They’re afraid of appearing dumb.   They’re afraid of many things.

You can’t get around it.  Good speaking skills are important. They can help you work together better.  They can help you effectively develop and present ideas.  They can help you give better presentations, and enhance your self-confidence.

You don’t have to become a “public speaker.”

Public speaking is the least of the speaking responsibilities in business at any level of responsibility.

Business people have to interview employees, announce new products and services, explain public relations problems, rally the troops, give sales presentations, and speak at a myriad of occasions and under varied circumstances.

Think about it: meetings, luncheons, slide presentations–now they’re called PowerPoint presentations or Webinars, conventions, trade shows, reports, updates, employee meetings, sales and marketing presentations, volunteer meetings, service club talks, in the classroom, the list goes on.

Many people are totally at-ease speaking before a group of people, but lack the skills to speak effectively. They have difficulty organizing their thoughts or delivering their message clearly and concisely.  They can’t stay on topic.

They don’t know when to quit talking.  They bombard people with useless trivia, and repeat the same thoughts over and over.  They read from a prepared speech in a monotone that puts people to sleep and bores them silly. To put this problem– not having an organized and well-thought-out speech — in proper perspective, I’ll tell you what another person said that has had a profound effect on my life.

Professor Willis Tucker, the head of the journalism department at The University of Tennessee, told me this when I was in school:

“If you can’t write it down, you haven’t thought it out.”

How brilliant is that?  Just the act of writing down our thoughts exposes them to light.  It reveals our thoughts for what they are–good or bad, half-baked or brilliant. I prove Professor Tucker’s point every day as a professional writer who not only writes for publication, but writes gives speeches as well.

The good news is that there is help available through Toastmasters International.  Join a local chapter.  You can find one online at http://www.toastmasters.org And it costs about $100 a year to belong.

Bob, whom I told you about earlier — didn’t get comfortable by attending Toastmasters meetings, but the very same thing happened to him in that class and in his church that happens in Toastmasters.

Toastmasters helps people build self-confidence and develop speaking skills in a friendly, positive environment, no matter your comfort level or your skill level.  Toastmasters enhances your speaking skills, your self-confidence, and your quality of life.

Toastmasters International is a non-profit educational organization that helps people develop communication skills. This is done at local Toastmasters clubs. There are no instructors or professors, and there are no tests or grades.

Toastmasters clubs meet weekly.  A meeting usually lasts an hour and includes:

•  Opportunities to practice impromptu speaking.
• Several prepared speeches based on projects from the manuals provided by Toastmasters International
• Evaluations, during which club members give feedback to each speaker regarding the presentation’s strengths and weaknesses and offer suggestions for improvement

This simple program works.  More than 4 million people have benefited from it since it began in 1924.

It will help you, if you want to become a more effective speaker.

______________

What are your thoughts?  Do you agree or disagree?  Leave your comments in the box below. 

Click here  NOW to sign up for my free newsletter!